So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
