I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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