i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
even my farts smell like vagina
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Randomize
