I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i was born a porn star she said
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
