i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
