watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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