so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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