just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
