Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
