One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
