my phone cant type all the emotion im having
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
