my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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