Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
