dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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