The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
