i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
