I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
i need some magic done to my vagina
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
