People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
