I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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