If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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