Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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