home. puking in laundry basket.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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