I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
