Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
