i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
did i walk over a car last night?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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