He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
