because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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