Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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