I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
My vagina just recognized that song.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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