You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I just googled if crying burns calories
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
