I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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