Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
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