You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
