I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
