Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
