Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Randomize
