Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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