Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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