He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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