end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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