We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
