I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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