grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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