3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
