I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Randomize
