i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
