Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
