Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
