the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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