sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Is Oprah even human
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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