Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
