it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Randomize
