He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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