I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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