false alarm. still invincible.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
