Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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