So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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