well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
