its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
