i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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