Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
