What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
