Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
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