btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
