did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Randomize
