I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
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I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
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Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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