I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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