Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
