Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
