It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
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