i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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