'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
