The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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