Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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