put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
