At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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