I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
and you fell through a lawn chair
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
