and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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